6 signs of narcissistic parents

Narcissism: the dance around your own ego

Narcissists are people who dance for their own ego like others dance for the maypole. Their big issue in life is their own self-esteem, even if they are often not really aware of it. Narcissism always has to do with self-esteem. This is severely damaged in narcissists, who try to compensate with so-called “overcompensatory behavior.” By this, it is meant that they make themselves, give themselves and present themselves bigger than what they feel “deep down” from biographical experiences. And let them distract themselves and others from their “little self”.

Very different strategies are used: for example, bullying and devaluing others so they can’t see (and hurt again) the small wounded me behind the facade. Or escape into fantasies of grandeur and pretend you really are the greatest. Or give yourself VIP status and demand that those around you treat you accordingly. Narcissists like to set rules without necessarily sticking to them. In short: narcissists are a real challenge among people. For some, they are the proverbial “final boss”. It usually doesn’t help to know that the narcissist’s inflated ego has biographical causes and that they (usually) didn’t choose to be the way they are.

narcissistic parents

Relationships with strong narcissists are often painful and usually don’t last long. However, sometimes families are formed and narcissists become narcissistic parents. The unpleasant thing is that your children often don’t realize this until well into adulthood, even though they sensed from an early age that something was seriously wrong.

6 signs of narcissistic parents

The following signs that (at least) one of your parents may have a strongly narcissistic personality trait are mostly based on the widely held concept of “excellent narcissism.” However, it is important to know that there are different forms of narcissism (overt, covert, vulnerable, etc.), some of which are much more difficult to discover and understand. We describe a special form in point 6.

1. Disability: the needs of the child are (at best) secondary

Narcissistic parents are self-concerned, their children’s needs and feelings are easily neglected. What’s more, they are largely ignored, ignored or even downright devalued. What’s left are confused children, often convinced at some point that they themselves are the problem. This phenomenon is also known as invalidation: the other (the narcissistic parent) ignores or devalues ​​(infantile) needs and feelings; those affected can hardly learn to understand them as completely natural and justified, which can have a massive impact in the future. associations.

2. Children serve to increase their own self-esteem

Children are often showpieces for narcissistic parents, or at least they should be. They like to demand maximum performance from their children, e.g. B. at school, but also in sports and other areas. Ideally, they serve to boost your own self-esteem. Of course, their children must be as docile and obedient as possible, and submit completely to their dictates.

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