Updated on 11/23/2022 by Dr. Iratxe Lopez. clinical psychologist
Family relationships are non-linear and static. The interaction between parents and children is changing and evolving. There are external factors and internal variables that are part of the affective context. Well, assertive communication is one of the great pillars of long-term living together. As communicate in a healthy way with young people? Discover in this article all the keys to such a relevant topic.
1. What is healthy communication?
The one who fulfills its essential function: to communicate a message respectfully, effectively and kindly. Positive communication promotes emotional closeness, understanding and shared happiness. Provides essential resources and tools to resolve conflicts between parents and children. It also offers support and comfort.
Assertive communication creates the appropriate framework for dialogue. Everyone will find the necessary space to express themselves freely. The form of interaction is geared towards empathy, listening and the common good. Ultimately the communication with young people strengthens the foundation of family ties.
2. What are the most common mistakes we make when communicating with teenagers?
The youth It is a period of growth and evolution. During this important time, the young person spends more hours with their circle of friends. On the contrary, it’s common for him to spend more time in his room when he’s at home. That means he doesn’t share as many family plans as he did when he was a kid. Now it has evolved and is at a pivotal moment in terms of self-discovery. It’s important to take care of your communication with your teen. What common mistakes should you avoid?
2.1. Treat a matter as unimportant
This particular issue may not be important to us, but on the contrary it is very relevant to the minor. The first lovesickness or difficulties with friends get a different perspective in the adult stage. Don’t overprotect your teen. But don’t make the mistake of not doing it pay attention to a topic that affects you personally.
2.2. criticize a good friend
The young person seeks the acceptance and approval of the group in which he experiences a strong sense of belonging. Share many plans in the company of others. The criticism of a friend increase the risk of the youth becoming defensive.
23. Don’t compare him
don’t compare him nor with his cousin, brother or friend. Every young person is unique and unrepeatable, as is their reality. What happens when the conversation turns to a comparison to someone cited as a role model? At that moment, the son does not feel understood and valued. Ask yourself this question: How would I feel if my son compared me to other fathers or mothers?
The youth it is our second birth. We will start going out into the world alone, without mom or dad… We will go out into the world with everything our mom and dad gave us and everything we will have missed…
Yvonne Laborda
2.4. Raise your voice regularly
Various factors interfere with family communication. It’s important to pay attention to the words used to open doors instead of closing them. However, one aspect often goes unnoticed: the voice tone. As the volume increases, a message of anger, impertinence, lack of patience, or weariness is being conveyed. It’s important to stay in touch with your own emotions. That means listen to your gut.
Before I continue with the post, I want to share a video with you where I talk about the three main communication styles. How do you and your son communicate?
2.5. Convert the dialogue into a monologue form
In this monologue, the adult reveals his point of view on the subject without giving room to the son’s point of view. When that happens, the teenager doesn’t really feel heard. Remember that its real communicationwhat has a positive ending assumes a two-sided approach.
Making or judging general conclusions B. from a specific situation, usually causes communication problems. In this case, the adult usually uses words that have an absolute value. However, it is advisable to focus attention on the concrete fact. That is, don’t analyze reality from an “always” or “never” perspective. Remember that puberty is a temporary time.
2.7. Interrupting the young person’s speaking time
In this case, you don’t have the time you need to get your message across. And on the other hand, the adult does not practice truth Active listening because he stays focused on his own inner language. There are numerous interferences that negatively affect the dialogue. Currently, technology itself can become a source of frequent distraction. This happens when one of the interlocutors consults his mobile phone during a family conversation. Remember that you can answer the calls and messages when the chat is over.
2.8. Link a large sequence of closed questions
Remember that this is how the youth feels answering a survey in which there is only room for short answers. For example, it is a situation that is repeated regularly when the young person comes home later.
2.9. Try not to fall into the trap of broken promises
make promises that we later fail to meet an error that causes the damage Trust. Especially if this circumstance occurs with some frequency. When this situation arises, it is important to accept the mistake and apologize.
So there are errors that can cause this communication quality between parents and growing children. Puberty is another stage of life, it’s a passing time. But what happens when adults view this time with undue concern? In this case, it is common for them to take a negative position at different moments in the routine. But this important time is also a great opportunity for families.
3. Keys to communicating with your teen
AND how to communicate with a teenager In a positive way? Next, discover nine essential keys to improving dialogue and understanding:
3.1. Family communication is fed as a process
That is, the family communication It is not based on specific moments and circumstances. For this reason, it is essential to create places of encounter in everyday life. It is advisable to make it a habit to have breakfast, lunch or dinner with the family at the table. Routines need to be adapted to the context and circumstances of each home.
3.2. ask open questions
If you want more detailed answers, do so open questions. Closed questions are answered with a short answer. Therefore, open questions are a good ally.
3.3. Shows firmness to the boundaries and norms of family life
The teenager wants to enjoy his freedom and time with friends. However, he still needs parental care and attention. The rules are very positive but can become a topic of conversation with the children. In this case it is important that you show it Firmness before the limits. In this way, the information transmitted is coherent.
3.4. Keep communication with the school open
Home and the academic environment are two key areas in his life. And the information provided by teachers can help you see other aspects of the stage your child is in. For this reason, keep a Constant communication with the schoolis significant.
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3.5. Show an interest in their hobbies
All teenagers have some hobby. if you show interest in your hobbies, open a very interesting channel of communication. If your child loves a game plan, they will probably enjoy talking about it. Perhaps you have the opportunity to find an activity that allows you to spend time together. Communication with the growing son takes on different perspectives. The very presence and closeness of parents conveys an important message. That said, the relaxed moments are also relevant. Although the topics raised are not that profound, there is a trust-building interaction. Remember, you don’t have to like his hobbies, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about the music groups he likes, the series…
3.6. Try to make your home a welcoming place to welcome your best friends
This way you have the opportunity to do so meet group. It is also recommended that the living room be an environment where the child meets grandparents, uncles or cousins. In this context, you have the opportunity to strengthen your relationship and your communication with them.
3.7. Show respect for their emotions, opinions and feelings
Acknowledge how they feel, even if you have a different perception on the subject. Remember that there is no single way to live, feel or interpret a situation. Family communication can’t just be about facts and moments. The emotions and feelings they are also very important.
3.8. Maintain eye contact during face-to-face communication with your child
It’s a basic gesture, but one that fosters trust and closeness. Nonverbal communication is very important in family life. That is, leave the cell phone or other possible distractions in the background. Try to really focus on this moment and maintain eye contact with your son
3.9. Ask your child for an opinion on a specific topic
For the ask your opinionsend him a valuable message: you care about his perspective.
Finally, take a proactive role in nurturing communication with your teen in family life. If you need specific help to solve a problem, consult a psychologist so that he can guide you. If you don’t know when to go to the psychologist with a teenager, in this post I will give you some keys.
4. Bibliographic References
- Pool, F. (2015). Young people: instruction manual. espasa
- Well, D. (2022). The adolescent brain: discover how it works, understand it and accompany it. Grijalbo.
- Castillo, G. (2009) Adolescents and their challenges: The adventure of becoming May. Pyramid.
