Emotional Health

It has another! What role do biology and monogamy play?

If (so-called) experts discuss cheating, side dating, affairs, or breakups, human biology often has to do the trick, according to which both men and women are not designed to live monogamously. Millions of women are faced every day with the bitter truth of infidelity when they suddenly discover: “He has another.”

The fact that one’s partner is unfaithful or has been unfaithful is often discovered by chance or through targeted investigations. Keyword: Check your partner’s cell phone. It is not uncommon for friends, neighbors or acquaintances to pass on the information about the infidelity to the respective woman, consciously or unknowingly.

He has another – why?

Once the person in question faces the fact that the couple has another person, the questions of why, what and how arise.

The first port of call after such a breach of trust is often the Internet, as reports of cheating men are constantly posted there. Also, most women get emotional support from their best friend to help them absorb the shock, which is often followed by intense lovesickness.

But regardless of whether you (WOMAN) cry and withdraw in such a situation or are angry and scratch the paint on your car or pass out at the tax office in the first effect, at some point the question of why he cheated inevitably arises. . . Of course, each relationship situation plays an individual role here, but if you go into this topic in depth, you repeatedly come across the argument that humans are not biologically made for monogamy. More often than not, such statements come from the mouths of experts or people who believe they are.

Users Discuss Couples Counselor’s Statements About Monogamy

A recent interview with Melanie Mittermaier that was published on the WELT online portal shows just how thin the ice is when it comes to such claims. According to her website and her presentation on welt.de, Mittermaier acts as a couples counselor. The interview with her begins with the following statement by Mittermaier:

“As soon as the partner thinks I’m going to have a better life with the other person, he leaves”

The article deals with the eternal theme of cheating and separation, talks about adventures and saving (wanting) the relationship. The entire article is not to be discussed here, but only a statement by Ms. Mittermaier, which makes you sit up and take notice and which is directly related to the quote in the title of this article.

Give up everything for the supposedly better woman?


“(…) The dangerous thing is: as soon as the partner thinks that I am going to have a better life with the other person, he leaves. By the way, this is a completely natural process. Humans are not biologically designed to live monogamously in the long term. (…)”

Hmmm… To put it bluntly, that could also mean that your partner runs away as soon as he sees an attractive blonde and can imagine a better (sexual?) life with this woman…

This is certainly a bit of an exaggeration, but the statement made by the couples counselor implies exactly that.

people have evolved

Only: Haven’t we humans gone through a civilized development? Which has been shaped over millennia by further development, concentration on values, the ability to “control oneself”, experiences and the acquisition of intelligence?

Or, like monkeys in the zoo, we pounce on other (more attractive) people to have sex with them? That may be an exaggeration, but it basically gets to the heart of the matter. In other words, most men in a marriage or partnership know that the grass is not greener elsewhere and that there is likely to be trouble or friction with another partner.

And even if engaged male contemporaries risk one or another look in the direction of another attractive woman or even flirt: only in exceptional cases will a man want to leave his own relationship behind for this.

After all, millions of associations work

Also, if monogamy is not supposed to be natural, why do so many marriages and partnerships work? Why did our grandparents’ relationships last forever in the vast majority of cases? Always wanting to point out that “it was like that back then” certainly falls short.

In this regard, it is worth looking at the comments under said WELT article.

So writes the user Ralph V.

“I will be 63 years old in the middle of this year. He already had several partners. Looking back, I realize that we often parted ways too quickly. The problems are almost always the same or similar. It’s probably up to you, but don’t we really want to hear that?”

The user “SB” leaves clear words. He comments:

Again, a counselor whose text contains no reference to actual competition… Instead: “She has also experienced a lot in her private life: she was cheated on in her marriage, fell in love with someone else, and is in a relationship with her husband All of this experience flows into coaching his clients.” So: your own rubbish is projected onto those who seek advice…”.

Cristian B writes:

Quote: “We humans are not biologically designed to live monogamously for the long term.” …that this “argument” is constantly repeated, especially to justify such behavior, is actually quite cheap. Not because it’s “biologically” wrong, no. But because, in the context of an association, it is practically irrelevant. Or we consider ourselves human beings, beings with developed communication, social structure and culture. Or we just excuse everything on the grounds that we can’t do anything for animal systems. But then we can also discuss and excuse murder and manslaughter, lawlessness and chaos. Over time, a partnership is not the initial romance, but mutual trust, partnership, and togetherness. It is an interpersonal agreement in which they act together in the interest of both parties”.

Well, the last quoted comment is probably the closest. In this sense: justifying cheating, infidelity and affairs with reference to human biology, which supposedly has nothing to do with monogamy, is not enough. Too short!

Source: welt.de from January 5, 20023

Image: pexels.com / Klub Boks

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