How long do you “have to” be together as a couple before giving birth to a child together? Like the question of when to move in together, when to kiss for the first time, and when to introduce your partner to your parents, there is no blanket answer to this question. Every couple is different and individual, just like every relationship. Everyone should be aware of it; however, as soon as you deviate even slightly from the norm and the average 5-year plan, you often have to listen to nagging questions. One of them is this: “What, are you pregnant? Was that planned?”
Nora*, 31, was asked this question several times during her pregnancy and each time she was silently touching the ceiling.
nora’s story
My boyfriend Damián and I had only been together for six months when I got pregnant. We decided to give it a try and it worked the first time, right after we moved in together and not being married or having an everyday life together for a long time. That’s why my pregnancy didn’t really fit into the worldview of some of my acquaintances and I had to listen to uncomfortable questions, but first things first.
I always knew that I wanted to have children one day.
Exactly when and with whom – before I had no precise idea. All she knew was that she had to fit in and feel good. And that I imagine a couple that will accompany me through thick and thin. When I met my partner, Damian, almost three years ago, it was immediately clear to me that he was the man I had always been looking for.
I’ve been in a relationship most of my life, but before that, something just wasn’t right. Sometimes there was no real commitment and my ex-boyfriend felt constrained just thinking about going on vacation together. Sometimes the relationship was rather non-binding on my part. A child would not have fit in there. When my last relationship broke up a good 3 years ago, I went on a solo vacation for the first time. I wanted to take some time for myself, learn to dive and have a clear idea of what I expect from a relationship, what my relationship should be like and what issues I still carry with me… I had just read the first self-help book, suddenly Damián got stopped in front of me. At a time when he really did not expect love.
