I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what appreciation means to me when I’m dating. How did this happen? For example, I dated a lawyer who had “cop” on his profile without seeming to give any thought to what it actually means. One night we met again at my house. However, our date should be different this time. I really wasn’t in the mood and he did very little to make me feel better. He didn’t answer me much, but he talked a lot more about his business than he otherwise had to. (He had apparently confused polysexual with polyamorous, as he would later discover.)
A bruised ego is often the reason for asshole behavior.
At some point I told him there wasn’t much else to get out of me today, especially since his other sex stories didn’t put me in the sexual mood. He said goodbye and sent me screenshots of a conversation with another woman that he would now visit, especially since she would at least be happy with her visit.
Wow. She was speechless.
Rarely had I felt so degraded to a sexual object. Openness or not, but in the end it showed me one thing: I still had a lot to learn about how to deal with other people… and secretly I probably know it too. Conversely, those who treat other people this way don’t treat themselves particularly well either.
Anyone who wants to be understood must also be willing to understand others.
Over and over again I heard about many disappointing dates in my circle of acquaintances that made little desire for more. But not just here, because my followers too: Inside were continually telling me about their frustration with dating, which made them regularly uninstall all sorts of apps only to reinstall them a few weeks later.
It failed mainly due to appreciation. Somehow logical, because each of us wants to be valued, right? Opinions are already divided here though, especially since everyone feels (particularly) valued in a different way. But in the end it was mostly about the same thing: attention.
We all want to feel seen.
And that works best if the smartphone stays in your pocket. That was the answer I got the most feedback in my survey. The mobile as a killer of pleasure and number 1 object of frustration in courtship.
I understand it really good. I also feel unseen when the person I’m talking to is nervous on my smartphone all the time or looking for it at every opportunity, for example when there’s a brief silence or when I just disappear into the bathroom.
How is disinterest? That would be the next response we get the most as feedback. Ghosting is one of the most disrespectful things the community says and I agree. No one likes to be left with question marks in their heads, especially when a mood has already been established, or maybe even a meeting has been planned.
