When the couple is too close to their mother

At first Katharina thought she had hit the jackpot with Tom. Until she met him and fell head over heels in love with him, she only knew men in her life who sooner or later turned out to be narcissistic personalities. Even if they made an effort to appear empathetic at first. Katharina, on the other hand, is the epitome of a compassionate person. She is known and loved in her family, in her professional environment and among her friends because she knows how to listen, she processes what she hears intensely, reflects and is exceptionally good at consoling and building things sustainably.

Sometimes Katharina listens too carefully.

She exhausts herself with her empathy and falls short. It was so much nicer for her to finally be with a man who gave her devoted ear. That he is sensitive, that he certainly has something to say to himself, but in a proper proportion to Katharina’s part of speech. When Tom opens his mouth, he tells an exciting story. Catherine hangs on every one of his words. She is often bored with the issues her ex-partners have brought up and she enjoys Tom’s emotional and spiritual presence. She has the same interests as Catherine. He is smart and funny, warm and caring. Every conversation with him is satisfying, just like the sex. Katharina is sure that she has found the man of her life in Tom.

The couple have recently been living together in an apartment.

Catherine would have to be the happiest woman in the world. But the closer she and Tom become, the more he realizes that there is another woman in her life with whom he is strangely close and to whom he feels committed: his mother. She gets more and more into the shoes of the couple, she gets involved, she determines things that Katharina sees as not her concern. Tom doesn’t care. He is pleased with his mother’s willingness to help, which is how he interprets his behavior. For him it is pure warmth and kindness that her mother shows. Katharina is now very concerned that she can certainly think of Tom as a great man, but also as a mama’s boy, and it is possible that she has made a mistake again.

“I really don’t want what I’ve been thinking for a few weeks to be true. Namely, that Tom is attached to his mother in a way that is a real handicap for our relationship,” Katharina says worriedly. “And if it’s true, then maybe there’s something that can be done about this relationship. This is my hope. I know you shouldn’t try to change your partner. But I had never gotten along so well with a man. I don’t want to give up this love. Then rather try to embark on a different course. Maybe I should tell you first what has rocked our relationship.

His mother in our apartment.

It all started when Tom and I created a kind of budget of who cooks when and who cleans when. It is often heard that in the most harmonious societies there are disputes over order. We wanted to avoid that. Tom and I live in shared apartments during our studies. We know how important and useful a plan can be. Well, recently I came home early from work to find Tom’s mother in our kitchen preparing a meal. The kitchen was also cleaned, everything spotless.

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